For the past few years, I've been struggling to acknowledge that I have a disability. It's not something new. I've grown up this way. I just never called it a disability because I always thought, "Well, it could be worse," or "It's not as bad as others have it". 

When I was about two, my parents found out I was born with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis (now referred to as juvenile idiopathic arthritis). When I was around 8, I remember "psoriatic" was prefixed to my condition as my elbows, knees, and scalp broke out. I'm fortunate enough that it didn't affect my entire body (that I'm aware of), but it has severely damaged my left wrist. You are supposed to have eight carpal bones; mine have fused, and I have six. This has also caused my radius bone to push into my wrist, limiting my movement. This also caused my left forearm and hand to be considerably smaller than my right.

The kicker is that my left hand is my dominant hand. I remember getting Ds and Cs in grade school due to my handwriting. I couldn't form my hand correctly. I remember a teacher once saying I should "just learn to write with your right hand." However, I feel like many left-handed people may have heard this growing up. I didn't do sports because it hurt. I remember hitting a baseball with a baseball bat, and the shock just wrecked my hand. I tried BMX tricks, but the impact of landing wrecked my hand. 

Two years ago, I saw a rheumatologist for the first time in 16 years. I had messed up my knee, and the MRI results showed arthritis all over. The doctor did all the labs and said I'm in remission, but told me things to look out for.  When he used the word "remission", it was my wake-up call that this wasn't just something "normal" I've grown up and dealt with. Or that modern medication would have been able to stop the damage done by the arthritis. Then I started thinking about how I've worked around my limitations and the difficulties in school, or trying to do some social activities.

I don't know. Maybe this helps someone else who is in a similar boat and feels like the word "disability" feels "too big" or "too much" to describe their situation.